How I’ve Improved My Eye Contact (And Why It Matters)

The Unspoken Power of the Eyes

You ever watch someone speak and feel they were talking to everyone yet also you? That feeling often comes down to one simple but powerful skill: eye contact. It's easy to overlook but mastering it can fundamentally transform how you're received as a speaker, a leader, and a human being. This is my story of how I improved my eye contact, and why it might just be one of the most underrated tools in your communication arsenal.

My Eye Contact Was Trash (And I Didn't Know It)

Let's be real. For most of my life, I thought I was doing fine. I wasn’t avoiding people’s eyes, but I wasn’t really seeing them either. I had this habit of scanning a room, looking above people’s heads, or zoning in on just one friendly face. I didn’t realize how much I was disconnecting myself from the rest of the room.

I finally got called out during a Toastmasters session: "You need to connect more. Don’t just speak to us, see us." That line stuck with me.

Why Eye Contact Actually Matters

Eye contact isn't just about looking at people. It communicates trust, confidence, empathy, presence, and connection. A study published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behaviour

 found that speakers who maintained consistent, warm eye contact were rated as more trustworthy and competent than those who didn’t. It's biological. Our brains are wired to respond to eyes.

And in leadership? Game-changer. If you're trying to inspire, influence, or guide others, avoiding eye contact is like trying to lead a team from another room. People need to feel you’re present.

How I Started Practicing Eye Contact

1. Toastmasters and Role Play I committed to not just speaking but connecting. I practiced looking at individual people for complete thoughts—not awkwardly long, but long enough to let the idea land.

2. The Three-Second Rule Hold eye contact for about three seconds before moving to another person. It keeps your gaze from being too intense but also from flitting around nervously.

3. Zoom Practice Even during virtual meetings, I trained myself to look directly into the camera—not at my face, not at their face. Weird at first, but it builds that habit of intentional connection.

4. Rewatching My Own Speeches Cringe. But crucial. I could see the moments I looked distracted, or when I was too locked into my notes. Watching myself helped me catch habits I wasn't aware of.

Real-Life Conversations I even practiced during regular conversations—especially the tough ones. Eye contact during conflict or feedback changed the entire emotional tone.

The Emotional Impact

The biggest transformation wasn’t technical. It was emotional. Making eye contact forced me to be more present, more vulnerable. When you actually see your audience, you feel their reactions in real time. It’s scary, but it's where real connection lives.

I started to feel more human on stage. Less like a performer, more like someone trying to share something real. That shift? It made my talks better, deeper, more remembered.

Mistakes and Missteps

Let’s not pretend this was smooth. I overdid it at first—staring people down like I was interrogating them. Or I’d get stuck on one person and forget the rest of the room. But that’s the beauty of this journey: it’s okay to mess up, as long as you’re intentional about growing.

Quick Tips for Better Eye Contact:

• Make eye contact with one person per sentence or thought.

• Don’t scan too quickly; it feels impersonal.

• Avoid "ping-pong eyes" (jumping too fast between people).

• Smile with your eyes—seriously.

• In online calls, look at the lens more than the screen.

Why This Still Matters in a Distracted World

We live in a world full of notifications, screens, and half-attention. Eye contact is rare. That’s why it stands out so much when someone gives it fully. It says, "I’m here. With you. Right now."

It’s a superpower in a distracted world. And anyone can develop it.

Improving eye contact didn’t make me perfect. But it made me present. And in a world where everyone is trying to be seen, the best gift you can give someone is the courage to see them first.

You in?