The Confidence Lab Series

What Confidence Isn’t: Redefining Power in a World Obsessed with Loudness

"Confidence isn’t walking into a room thinking you're better than everyone; it’s walking in without having to compare yourself at all."

Confidence: Misunderstood, Misused, Misrepresented

We’ve all been sold a version of confidence that looks a lot like arrogance. The loudest voice in the room. The polished speaker with no ums or ahs. The social media personality with flawless delivery and an airtight brand.

But here’s the uncomfortable truth: much of what we’ve been told about confidence is a lie. It leaves most people feeling like they’ll never be good enough, bold enough, or ready enough to be taken seriously. And it’s holding us back.

In fact, a 2023 report from Psychology Today found that 67% of adults struggle with low self-confidence, with women and people of color reporting significantly higher rates of imposter syndrome. So if you’ve ever looked around and felt like you’re not cut out for the stage, the boardroom, or the spotlight , you're not alone. But you are likely working with a flawed definition.

The Three Myths We Need to Bury

1. Confidence Means Being Loud

Loudness is a volume setting, not a measure of certainty. Some of the most confident people in history have been quiet forces: Rosa Parks. Nelson Mandela. Maya Angelou. Their power came from clarity and conviction, not volume.

2. Confidence Looks Like Perfection

Perfection is a mask. Real confidence allows for mistakes, visible effort, and vulnerability. If you're waiting to get everything right before showing up, you’re not building confidence; you’re building pressure.

3. Confident People Don’t Doubt Themselves

This one hurts. Even the most self-assured leaders have moments of fear and second-guessing. The difference? They move through it, not around it.

What Confidence Really Is

So, if confidence isn’t loud, perfect, or fearless , what is it?

Confidence is your willingness to show up, again and again, despite uncertainty. It’s built in the doing, not in the knowing. It’s what grows when you:

• Speak your ideas before they’re fully formed

• Say yes before you have it all figured out

• Step forward even when your hands shake

Confidence is a muscle, and like any muscle, it grows with stress + recovery. The problem? Most people are willing to stress themselves (push, perform, people-please), but they don’t make time for the recovery part (reflection, coaching, self-compassion).

Real-World Confidence: A South African Lens

In African business and leadership spaces, confidence is often mistaken for Western polish. But authenticity resonates deeper. People don’t remember who had the slickest pitch. They remember who spoke with integrity, clarity, and heart.

In Vusi Thembekwayo’s book, "Business & Life Lessons from a Black Dragon," he repeatedly calls for Africans to think bigger, act bolder, and lead with deeper self-belief. That confidence isn’t just about personal growth; it’s a political and cultural tool for rewriting our future.

Try This: The Confidence Reframe Exercise

Take a moment to reflect on these prompts:

• When have I shown up despite the fear?

• Who told me what confidence is supposed to look like?

• Where in my life do I feel most certain? Why?

You may be surprised to find that your strongest confidence moments weren’t on a stage or a Zoom call , but in quiet moments where you chose to keep going.

Let’s stop outsourcing our confidence to external markers. Let’s rebuild it from the inside out. The world doesn’t need more noise. It needs more truth.