The Loneliness of Leadership
- Kamohelo Makwela
- Oct 19
- 3 min read
Leadership can be isolating, not because people leave you out, but because few understand the burden of being honest in a system that rewards silence.
The Quiet Cost of Leadership
As I write this, I recognise the journey many people walk to find identity, to reinvent themselves, and the cost that comes with it. I’m preaching to the choir on this one.
Leading is tough. Sometimes it’s people; sometimes it’s by example.
I got tired, tired of being lied to, of seeing leadership that constrained instead of inspired. So I took leadership into my own hands. The moment I did, my circle’s radius shrank.
The loneliness comes from a persistent pull to become greater than what you are now, and not everyone likes movement.
Honesty is isolating. It can also be encouraging, though those moments rarely get highlighted. Where honesty seems to stick longer is when it exposes what’s wrong, what can be improved, what needs to come together for everything to work. Humans are sensitive to that kind of “threat.” When that honesty becomes part of your character, it naturally pushes away those who were never meant to stay.
We often think leadership means calling someone out in public and patting them on the back in private. But it’s the other way around.
We correct in private, we steer in private, and we praise in public.
We need a culture that celebrates publicly and guides privately. Leadership is honesty performed behind closed doors.
When Silence Wins
There are too many times when we let silence win in loneliness, and it doesn’t have to be that way.
For years, I let what was wrong pass me by. I watched colleagues head down paths that weren’t right. I watched managers speak to their teams unprofessionally, and I minded my business.
But the truth is this:
If you want a healthy culture, you contribute to its sickness by staying silent.
It became my business to speak up, not out of defiance, but because I wanted to help build something meaningful, something bigger than myself. A culture of real hard work that doesn’t burn people out, of celebration without hypocrisy, of leadership that uplifts instead of drains.
The Burden of the Middle
When you’re leading, few people truly understand the pressure.
You’re balancing two worlds:
a team that wonders why you aren’t more understanding,
and a management group that wonders why things aren’t moving faster.
When things go well, the possibilities feel endless. But when they don’t, the weight can feel unbearable. You become the easiest person to blame.
This is the burden of leaders, it never disappears.
Not all seasons will be good. And if all seasons turn bad, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate. But until then, we lead. We trailblaze. We innovate.
We take the first step, even when it’s the loneliest.
The Power of Safe Confidants
Have you ever considered confiding in someone who carries a similar weight?
It might take time to find that person, but when you do, it’s worth it. There’s an unspoken understanding between people who lead. They know what it means to hold pressure without breaking, to care deeply without showing it too much.
Leaders don’t need more followers, they need safe spaces to be human.
Give it a try. It might be worth your while. And it’s certainly better than silence.
